Even The End Of The World Has A Silver Lining

Don't forget, the flowers in the hospital are beautiful and the sun is still behind those clouds, darling.

Dear Michael Aaron Benjamin Hunter

Don't sass me boy, I know Ben isn't really your name. I think maybe it was more of who you really were all along though, so get over it.

I hate you today. And I mean I really hate you, like I hate my mother.

I hate you because I can't remember your birthday even though I know it is in September and I know that last year I made you a cake and ate it by myself, wishing you were sitting next to me. And I hate you because I hate Skype and the fact that it opens every time I start up my computer, and I hate you because I would just uninstall it if it weren't for you.

I hate you because you never really wanted to run away to Niagara Falls, and because you were serious when you offered last November.

I hate you because you always knew more about Star Trek than I did and because you were on my side when it came to Pluto. And I hate you because I did not give a shit if Pluto was a planet or not before you but Heather and I still fight about it some times. I hate you because I was still friends with Ben a month ago and now I am not. I didn't delete him, so I know you did it.


I hate you because I was sitting in the dark last night trying to think of the last time I ate a full meal, and I don't think it was in the last week. I hate you because you promised you wouldn't let me get bad again and I hate you because you told me you weren't good at keeping promises.

I hate you because I get excited every time I see the stars.

I hate you because you were always better at plotting revenge and thunder is God playing drums and yelling is only good if you are yelling about love. I hate you for all of that.

I hate you for everything tonight. For fireworks, and parades, and puppies, and I hate you for loving my writing most of all because I still don't think I am as good at it as I was when you were around.

And I hate you because you will never know how much loving you made me hate you.

Sincerly,
The girl with the red hair.
P.S. I hate you for that too.

Hell Yes I Am A Mormon Girl

He told me he wouldn't read my blog simply because I was "too good of a Mormon girl to know anything about real life, and you need to, to be a good writer".

I am a Mormon girl. I might even go as far as to say I am a good Mormon girl.

I am a Mormon girl who just spent the last week going home from work to feed my sisters before heading to the hospital to spend the night with my mother who is recovering from her 58th surgery in the last 12 years and can't be alone while my father works.

I am a Mormon girl who has been supporting a family of six while going to school for the last year because my dad decided he needed to follow his dreams and those dreams left him flat on his face with four kids and a wife and when faced with giving up or asking for help he trusted me enough to help him get through.

I am a Mormon girl who sat down stairs and got drunk for the first time ever with a stranger, not knowing that my friend was being raped in the other room. I am a Mormon girl who went to the pharmacy the next morning and bought a day after pill and kept a secret because she told me that it was her idea.

I am a good Mormon girl who spent most of my freshman year sick in bed because I was slowly starving myself trying to be good enough for parents who didn't notice until I weighed 86 pounds and realized I had a problem and told them I needed help.

And I am a Mormon girl who still managed to get healthy again even after my mother decided that she was going to stop me from getting there.

I am a Mormon girl who was dumb enough to think a boy loved me even after he hit me and who was naive enough to believe a boy when he told me I was the only girl in his life. And I am a good Mormon girl who still believes in love with all of my heart because I found it in the boy next door.

I am a Mormon girl who quit counting the days my mom spent in the hospital when it was more than enough to add up to a few years and can tell you all the pros and cons of any hospital in northern Utah.

So yes, I am a Mormon girl. But don't you dare try and tell me I don't know about real life because of it. I know all about real life, good and bad, and that is why I am a Mormon girl.