I can't remember

I can't remember your phone number or how many times I called you in the middle of the night. I can't remember how many tears your shirt soaked up or how many times you told me it would all end up okay but I do remember thinking how lucky I was to have you there for me anytime I needed you.

I can't remember how many hours we spent in your car or how many days I watched you working in your garage. I can't remember any of the things you tried to explain to me or what most of those parts were called but I do remember falling in love with you and your passion.

I remember how beautiful you make me feel, even if I can't remember how many times you told me or all of the times you said you wanted me.

I can’t remember the names of all the girls who came before me but I remember hearing about them and laughing that they missed out on you. I remember thinking all of them were idiots and wondering why you ever thought they were worth your time. I also remember realizing that was the first time I was ever jealous.

I can’t remember exactly why I thought I could ever live without you, or how I ever wanted you to leave. I can’t remember why I cared what other people were thinking and saying about us and I don’t even remember what they were saying anymore. But I do remember the day I decided that I wanted you for eternity.
I can’t remember a lot of the details of how it happened, but I remember that I love you.

Notes to the boys

 Good Sir,
I hope I rot in hell because you seemed to always think that was where you were going, and eternity would be awfully boring with out you my dear.
-To be continued. . .


To my favorite atheist:
I really can't imagine breaking enough hearts to hold you for longer than a few seconds but I can't imagine life without your arms around me. I know I made us awkward but please don't let us change. -Love, Joy, Hitler.

Dear Elder,
I hope you never have to know that I kissed him. Or that I lied about not liking you before you liked me. And I hope you always think I am pretty, even when I cry, because it is the only reason I still like myself.
-Yours forever.


"Tell Me Again":
I thought maybe things would be different, that you really would care about me if I tried to help you. I know you aren't going to ever change now though, and still I can't bring myself to hate you enough to do what I should.
-Sincerely, "I love you, I'm sorry."

For the bad boy,
Thanks for playing the question game with me. I'm glad you cut your hair, you look much more presentable now. Can we forget that I danced like a skank with you at Spring Fling last year?
-Goodnight, and good morning babe.

Papa:
I worry sometimes that I have no friends because you are the only person in the world who texts me first, then I remember I am just lucky that my best friend is my dad.
-Be good, and if you can't don't get caught.

Scum of the earth,
I don't know why you still smile and wave at me. We are not friends. I only wave back out of habit.
-And that is a wrap.

Can we run away?

Some times I wish I could just disappear. I wish that I could drop everything, stop caring about people and dishes and school and work and hide in a little house on the beach with flowers and sunshine. I wish I could just sit and write and read and get lost in words. That would be so nice. It would be easy and pleasant and lovely and good. Only I can't because I have to graduate. How gross.

Just throw them away

 

 

I sometimes can't figure out which piece 'b' is to attach it to piece 'a'. When the computer gives me steps to follow I generally get lost and directions on a road map were never my forte. I don't use recipes and I think that I could tell you the proper way to tie a tie.




I tie my shoes wrong according to my dad and I still can't fold a fitted sheet nicely. I know they did teach me how to make a capital E in cursive and I could probably do that before I could parallel park. I knew every step to the quadratic equation once and I forgot the rules to name things in chemistry before that.

I didn't bother to read the operators manual when I got my phone and I stopped listening when they told me which fork to use first. I thought about double checking the rules for baseball and probably missed class the day the taught us ultimate Frisbee.

People keep telling me all of those rules will matter to me someday. That when I need to make a loaf of bread someday I'll want a recipe or that when my mother in-law stays the night years from now I will wish my sheets looked nicer but I never liked being told what to do and I don't think you need to do it the right way as long as you do it.