Annie was never my real name but it has always been who I am. When I was small I had a problem with pronunciation. At least, I couldn't be a pirate because my r was a w and they told me that was a problem. I didn't mind so much except for the fact that it meant I couldn't say my real name. I was 3 when I started telling people my name was Annie. It changed to Ann when I was 5, and for a month or so I thought I liked Anna.It always went back to Annie though. Ask any of my cousins or aunts or grandfathers my name and that will be what they say. Annie was better than unpronounceable, uncertain, problematic me.
The Music man came into my life unexpectedly. I wasn't looking for anyone to sweep me away into the magic of music. I wasn't expecting him to send me songs that would reach into my very soul and get me to tell him stories that I didn't know I was keeping secret. I wasn't expecting to have him to make me cry with the beauty he could make with his finger and a few strings. I wasn't expecting him to make me love music the way he did. I wasn't expecting that I could love music like that.
My baby sister thought I was her mom for years. I was as close to one as she ever got and that makes me scared and sad. Scared that I messed up a lot and sad that she didn't get anything better. Better could have been good for her when she started Jr. High but all she got was a sister who was worried about her own first day of High School. Please don't cry baby girl, you'll make friends. Better would have been great when her friends started smoking and she wanted to be popular, but all I could give was a story of how that boy was throwing his life away to be cool. Please don't go down that path baby girl, it's not worth it. Better would have been so much better, but all she got was my love. I love you baby girl. I love you.
Dad wasn't around much but when he was it was always a good day. He had a way of making me think. Making me think about what I wanted to be when I was tall. He never let me think I couldn't do or be or see anything. He made me think the world was at my fingertips ready to lift me up. He made me think about who I was. He made me think of what I was good at, and what I could get better at. He made me think positive, because the flowers in the hospital were beautiful and the sun was still behind those clouds. He made me think of writing and reading and not going to school but still learning. He made me think I was powerful and a force. He was the only one who made me think like that and he taught me so I could do it even with out him.
She told me that she was my best friend and I believed her. I truly though she was helping me when we sat in the bathroom for an hour because English was unbearable. She was my best friend, she only wanted to help so who cared if I failed the class. I really believed her when she said that I shouldn't eat that apple because I was gaining weight. She was my best friend, she was only helping me so it didn't matter that she knew about my problems. I trusted her when she said he wasn't my type. She was my best friend and she only wanted to help so I could forgive her when she started dating him.
The Music Man and the best friend and Annie and daddy and the baby. All of them were just people. Some of them were there for a minute, others I couldn't get rid of if I wanted to, but they were all there long enough. Long enough to make me think and feel and love and hurt and change. Long enough to help make me be who I am. Long enough to let me make them. Long enough to let us grow together then apart and to be us.
I don't have anything really spectacular to say, but I like this.
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